Bradley and Yolanda, who live in Lancaster, have been married for six years and recently adopted their daughter Taya. Bradley is the third generation to work in his family business and Yolanda stays busy at home, keeping food on the table and fresh laundry in the drawers. She is very busy managing therapy appointments, doctor visits and runs to the park. The family is excited to welcome a miracle baby on the way soon. In this Q&A, they share their experience with the foster and adoption journey.

What are your reasons for fostering and adopting?
Our reasons have changed over time. We started foster care with the mind set of “helping” children, and weren’t in it long when we realized THEY are growing and stretching us much farther than we ever imagined! We now are thankful for what we have been taught through fostering, and what walking through shattered families does to one’s heart. We feel rather inadequate to meet the deep pain that often accompanies these little one’s stories, but we know we can only do the best that we can, and leave the rest up to God, who knows much better than we.

Bradley, your parents fostered and adopted through COBYS years ago. Can you share that experience, how did this shape your desire to foster and adopt?
Growing up with fostering was just kind of the norm for me, although it did definitely feel a bit overwhelming at times. We are grateful for that experience many times though, as not everyone has that to build from as adults providing care. We always had the desire to foster/adopt as my parents had, although being in it as the parent definitely looks different than the child’s view! Overall, we are thankful to have their experience and advice.

Why did you choose COBYS Family Services as the agency through which you wanted to be licensed to provide foster care?
Mostly the family connection, although we also appreciated COBYS values.

What are some aspects of providing foster care that have been most rewarding for you? What has been most challenging?
That is hard to sum up…By far seeing a child blossom under the love and stability that we try to provide them, watching them learn new things, and begin to open up to us…Building connections with bio parents, and the rewards that can bring. The connection that can come to the parent/child relationship, after working through an especially challenging period with a child.

The most challenging is seeing the deep grief a child goes through when all that’s familiar has been taken from them. Other challenges are, walking with a child through a mental health crisis and loving a child with all you got, and then saying goodbye, entrusting their unknown future to a God who knows all things.

What are some of the things that you’ve done to help strengthen connections with your daughter?
Taking time to listen, give a hug, congratulate her, or just take an interest in her interests. Even on the days of being really busy, it may take intentionality, but once someone told us, “If you don’t have time to listen and take an interest in them, in the younger years, why will they bother coming to you in the teen years?” We try to keep that our focus in parenting.

What have you learned about yourselves as a couple during your foster care journey?
God is the most real in the hardest moments. Moments where we really can’t see any beauty in the ashes around us. And we need to depend on him in those moments, to find the beauty in those ashes. We learned that fostering experiences are our choice, whether we use them as a stumbling block or stepping stone. We learned that we need a community to listen, ask questions, bring meals, give us a break, and most importantly, pray for us. We can’t do this alone. We’ve learned to communicate over and over, talking through strategies to help a child, talking over what happened that day, and how it could have been different, reviewing goals, etc.

Can you talk a bit about your faith, and the role it played in your decision to foster children? Is there is a particular bible verse that sustains you?
Our faith is the reason we foster. We have been given so much, and we desire to give to those around us. We often think of the verse where Jesus says “…let the little children come unto Me…” We desire to show them God’s love.

What one thing would you tell people considering becoming a foster parent?
If you don’t, then who? Fostering is pretty far from all roses, but it holds some of the deepest rewards ever. Our favorite is watching a child open like a flower, one who was scared and withdrawn, slowly making beautiful little steps toward the sunlight. Be gentle with their little hearts, don’t take things personally (easier said than done!), reward them, encourage them, pray for them. Love them, even though saying goodbye will rip your heart out, love them anyway. Go into fostering knowing your WHY, knowing clearly, the reason you’re called to this, and remind yourself of that, every minute if necessary, on the days you want to quit. More than anything, go with God.